When people gather to celebrate during the holidays, those suffering through feelings of grief may need someone to turn to help get them through this emotional time.

“The holidays, especially the first ones after a loved one’s death, can be especially difficult for a person who is grieving,” Hospice Care Plus states in a press release. “Friends and family members may be unsure how to act or what to say to support their grieving loved ones during the holidays.”

The best way to help those who are grieving is to let them know you care, according to Hospice Care Plus.

It is recommended to be supportive in allowing people to celebrate the holidays in the way they choose, whether they want to follow tradition or change rituals.

Also, offer to help with basic tasks, such as cooking, cleaning or decorating, or invite the grieving person to attend a religious service with your family or attend your holiday celebration.

Other recommendations are to ask the person if they feel like volunteering with charitable work during the holidays, or you can make a donation in memory of the deceased.

“Remember to avoid telling your friend that he or she should be ‘over it,’” states the press release. “Grief is an individual process and there are not right or wrong ways to grieve.”

Listening is also key. Allow the person to talk about their feelings, if they choose to talk, states the press release.

It also suggests that you should remind the person that you are thinking of them and their deceased loved one and to stay in touch with cards, phone calls and visits.

Staying healthy is also key.

“Since grief is so stressful, it helps to take good care of yourself,” states hospicefoundation.org. “Eating and sleeping well and getting adequate exercise are essential. Sharing your feelings with a close friend, in a journal, through a support group or with a professional counselor can be very helpful.”

When dealing with children who are suffering through grief, the signs may vary depending on the age of the child.

“It is important to recognize that children react to grief in different ways according to developmental expectations,” said Connie Adams, director of psychological services for Madison County Schools.

Madison County Schools has a crisis toolkit, which lists common reactions children may have to trauma and death, what children are likely to know and feel about death and what to say and do to help or understand what they are feeling.

For instance, children 6 to 9 years old may respond to trauma or death with anger, fighting, bullying, denial, irritability, self-blame, fluctuating moods, fear of separation, fear of being alone, fear of events recurring, withdrawal, regression to earlier behavior, physical complaints and problems in school, according to the toolkit.

Children 9 to 12 years old are likely to respond with crying, longing for someone who has died, aggressing, irritability, bullying, resentment, sadness, isolation, withdrawal, fears, anxiety, panic, suppressed emotions, denial, avoidance, self-blame, guilt, sleep disturbance, concern about physical health and physical complaint, academic and memory problems, repetitive thoughts or talks with peers and hysterical expressions of concern, according to the toolkit.

Once children reach the teenage years, the responses continue to change. Examples are numbing, avoidance of feelings, resentment, loss of trust, depression, suicidal thoughts, distancing, mood swings, irritability, anxiety, panic, disassociation, anger, self-involvement, exaggerated euphoria, acting out in risky, antisocial or illegal behavior, substance abuse, appetite and sleep changes and problems in school, states the toolkit.

When trying to respond to a child 6 to 9, it is recommended to provide clear, honest information, find out what they already know about the situation, encourage communication of unpleasant and confused feelings, allow for repetitive questions and a search for answers, monitor changes in other areas of their lives, be sensitive to clues of child’s self-blame and correct myths and misunderstandings, encourage participation in memorial activities and use outside resources for explanations of information and feelings.

With those 9 to 12, engage in more specific discussions, invite questions and allow the child to express their personal story of events. Support and accept the expression of all types of feelings, educate the child about common reactions and risks involved in avoiding feelings, offer and seek various people and outlets for expression, encourage memorialization of someone who died in ways that are personal and meaningful and share aspects of one’s own response and ways of coping.

For those 13 to 18, be cautions about any changes, consider how the event may influencing usual adolescent behavior and address it quickly, educate about the potential risks of acting out, be sensitive to clues of increased risk-taking and illegal activity, expect variability in moods and behavior, expect the reactive tendency to become overly close or distant and accept and encourage the student to confide in someone outside the family for support.

“It is important for classmates and friends to listen to the grieving friend, not to isolate the friend and to do something together that both children enjoy,” Adams said. “If a student is concerned about a classmate, it is important to tell the teacher or guidance counselor.”

Students can receive help from the school guidance counselor or school psychologist, Adams said.

“Guidance is offered to any student in need in Madison County Schools and is tailored to the age of the student,” Adams said. “Our school based mental health providers are also well trained to watch for high risk characteristics and to seek contact with parents when concerns escalate. If concerns are extreme, school personnel are happy to assist a parent/guardian with linking to more intensive mental health resources in our community.”

Tim Mandell can be reached at tmandell@

richmondregister.com or 623-1669 ext. 6696.