Dick Ham
I was just thinking the other day about my favorite people, blondes. A friend gave me the title “Blonde Basher,” and others seem to have picked up on that. I was talking with another friend the other day and he said, ‘If you don’t hurry and do another column about blondes, someone else may claim your title as the “Blonde Basher.”’ So, here goes!
A husband and his blonde wife were discussing the difficulty she continued to have in balancing her check book. He very patiently explained what she needed to do. When the end of the next month came, she painstakingly worked on the figures and when she finished, she called him to come and look. He laid his newspaper down and walked over to the desk, looked over her shoulder and saw, Mortgage payment, $666.70, Electric bill, $120.43, gas bill, $112.76, water bill, $42.45, Wal Mart, $268.04, ESP, $1,146.33. He asked, “What is this ESP $1,146.33?” She answered, “Oh, that means error some place.”
A few days later, the husband was opening the day’s mail and called out to his blonde wife, who was in the kitchen, “Honey, the bank has returned one of your checks.”
She shouted back, ”Oh good, that means I can use it some place else.”
A blonde injured her knee while at work. She went to the personnel office to fill out insurance papers. When she finished the paper work, she took it to the personnel clerk. He looked the papers over and asked, “Which knee was it? ” Her reply, “Mine.”
A man was on a speaking tour in Europe. He called his blonde wife one day and told her he had just given a speech for 250 librarians. Her question was, “How much is that in American money?
A blonde received a new AM radio as a gift. She had it for several months before she discovered she could use it in the PM.
The CEO of a firm was caught between floors in the elevator of his office building. After much shouting and banging on the doors, he finally got someone’s attention. Two hours later, when the elevator mechanic arrived, he was finally free, When he arrived back at his desk, his efficient blonde secretary had left a note on his desk that read, “The elevator repairman will be here in two hours.”
A blonde was a contestant on a TV quiz show. She was asked, “Who succeeded the first President of the United States?” Her answer, “The second one.”
A customer came into a pet shop and inquired of the blonde clerk, “Do you have any kittens going cheap?” “No,” she answered, “All our kittens go meow.”
A blonde was working with a travel agent, preparing for a trip to Scotland. The agent told her, “You’ll need a passport and a visa.” The blonde said, “I have a passport, do you think they’ll take a MasterCard?”
A PERSONAL WORD – Tomorrow is Veteran’s Day. I had already asked my wonderful readers to express their love and appreciation to those members of their families who are currently serving and to those who are veterans. Then I was prepared to ask you to find at least one or the other, who is not a family member and express your appreciation to them as well. The terrible tragedy that happened at Ft. Hood, Texas makes that seem even more important. Please, let’s show them how much we admire them and their service to our country.
TRIVIA ANSWER – The TV show, Sanford and Son, was named for the star Redd Foxx, who real name was John Elroy Sanford.
TRIVIA QUESTION – Other than the fact that it is our state Capital, what else is unique about Frankfort that no other city in the state can claim?
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY – You realize you’re old, when your wife tells you to pull in your stomach, and you already have.
