Marie Mitchell
I don’t watch much television. There are only a few shows I follow. I’ve come to care about the characters in those programs. They’re like family. So naturally it upsets me when homicidal scriptwriters kill them off. Without provocation — or my permission.
One of my favorite shows is “Monk,” about an obsessive, compulsive detective. Several episodes have featured his upstairs neighbor, Kevin Dorfman. Kevin is riddled with personality quirks. He talks too much — about nothing. He rambles on about all the places he’s ever lived. Although he turned those addresses into winning lotto numbers, the huge jackpot almost killed him. The woman who married Kevin for his money plotted to become a weeping widow shortly after the nuptials. Monk foiled that diabolical plan. Kevin lived to irritate people — usually Monk — another day.
Kevin became a recurring character, appearing occasionally to offer companionship and unsolicited advice to Monk. Kevin is thorough, methodical and utterly maddening, making you glad he’s not your neighbor. But Kevin also possesses many endearing child-like qualities like natural curiosity, generosity and loyalty. You forgive his annoying habits for a while, until he gets on your last nerve again.
A few weeks ago there were previews teasing Kevin’s reappearance on the show. I looked forward to seeing him again. Kevin, an amateur magician, was filling in for the headliner who, unbeknownst to Kevin, was transporting drugs for the Mafia. Shortly after klutzy Kevin’s embarrassing performance on stage, he’s murdered in his dressing room. What? Murdered? There must be some mistake! They can’t do away with Kevin. His act wasn’t that bad. Give him another chance! Why rescue Kevin from his berserk bride earlier, only to strangle him now? That’s the real mystery. But, the writers giveth, and the writers taketh away.
Throughout the episode I kept thinking, “It’s a trick, an illusion” — especially because we’re dealing with magic here. But no hocus. No pocus. Kevin’s still dead at commercial break. I flash back to a season finale when Monk was allegedly killed. But we knew it was a hoax to uncover a conspiracy — and boost ratings. Monk was resurrected the next season with a flimsy explanation about the charade. I wonder, with all the potential victims in San Francisco to shoot, stab and strangle, why did the writers kill Kevin for keeps? He deserved better. We get a final glimpse of our departed friend as Monk views Kevin’s videotaped will. It will take a while. Kevin gets sidetracked, takes off on tangents, wanders far from the beaten path. But we hang on every misspoken word because our friend will soon vanish — forever.
I’m equally irritated with the hospital show “Scrubs.” Doctors and nurses at Sacred Heart Hospital wrestle with phobias, friendships and family while treating patients for a myriad of ailments. The only ones who die are the patients and a random relative. I can accept that. I know better than to get attached to them with their incurable diseases and personal baggage. But overall, death kept its distance from the staff — until the writers put the African-American nurse, Laverne, in a coma after a car wreck. And, there was no miraculous recovery. Laverne didn’t have a big role, but it was a memorable one. She was the conscience of everyone around her. Just one look or comment from Laverne made the staff rethink foolish decisions.
Maybe the actress wanted to leave the show. Maybe the writers wanted to prove that no one is immune from death. Maybe I should switch to cartoons where characters can be squashed, squished and squeezed into oblivion, only to surface — unscathed — in the next scene.
So far no main character has died in my third and final favorite program, “Psych.” That’s about two childhood friends who operate a Psychic Detective Agency although neither is actually psychic. One, Shawn, is just acutely observant — and extremely lucky. But I’m not getting too close to anybody on the show, just in case the writers go on a rampage. Shawn’s mother already has been abducted by a serial killer. I fear it’s only a matter of time before a key player falls victim to some psycho — and won’t return for the next season.
I’ll keep tuning in, though, in hopes that the writers won’t sacrifice any more of my on-screen pals to the ratings. Too bad Kevin isn’t around to work his magic on them.
